"No Dating For Me"
By Steven Thorn (c) 2013
Do you know what it's like?
To have a mom like mine?
She said no dating for me
Until I'm 30 or I've received a Ph.D
I said, "Mom, what about in high school?"
She said, "Steven, that just wouldn't be cool."
I said, "Mom what about in college?"
She said, "Steven, you'll be too focused on knowledge."
No dating for me
Until I'm 30 or I've received a Ph.D
No wedding for me
Unless a girl and I just pick up and flee
Which is actually my dad's advice to me
Well, you might think it's all for fun
Until you saw my mom's loaded shotgun
Trained upon some unsuspecting girls
Who had just stopped to admire my curls
While my heart has fallen many times
My mom manages to keep me in line
She just won't let me get over the wall
I'm like the princess who can't go to the ball
No dating for me
Until I'm 30 or I've received a Ph.D
No wedding for me
Unless a girl and I just pick up and flee
Which is actually my dad's advice to me
Mommy wants to keep me at home
She deletes girl contacts on my phone
No conversations with pretty girls at all
Because Mommy always stalks the posts on my Facebook wall
Well I know that I'm supercute
But I just want to avoid a dispute
The gift of singleness has been given to me
Until I'm 30 or I've received a Ph.D
No dating for me
Until I'm 30 or I've received a Ph.D
No wedding for me
Unless a girl and I just pick up and flee
Which is actually my dad's advice to me
...and sadly I don't want a Ph.D
*
See the original "No Dating For Me" performance and on my SteventheThorn YouTube Channel.