Day 20: Harry Potter, Pirate Staircases, and The End

Dylan’s Children:

a) Dylan is going to have 11 children. All of them will be boys*. They will form his own personal soccer team.

*It has been pointed out that this is statistically improbable**, but Dylan doesn’t believe in statistics.

**It has been pointed out that this is a gross understatement.

2) Dylan will have another son who will coach. (This son does not count among the 11 children*.) He will be the youngest, and he will be able to coach because he will be a prodigy.

*Because he's the coach.

d) Dylan has picked out the names of his first six children:
1. Thundersnow
2. Number Two (This is a dishonorable name. It will teach him not to come in second.)
3. Boom-Post! (That kid will never score.)
4. Dylan Jr.
5. Dylan Jr. (Both will be named Dylan Jr.’s in case one of them sucks.)
6. [The editor cannot recall the name of #6]

Numbers 7 through 11 are currently unnamed. This, presumably, will teach them not to come in 7th through 11th.

The coach's name is “the coach.”

Question and Answer:

What if a woman doesn’t want to have 11 children?
Dylan: Then she’s not the One.

What if a woman wants to have 11 children, but she wants to choose different names?
Dylan: Then she’s not the One.

What will your children look like?
Dylan: They can choose what they look like.

This whole thing is ridiculous.
Dylan: Then you’re obviously not the One.

Oxford Strikes Back
Day 20: Harry Potter, Pirate Staircases, and The End

Stardate: Friday, July 20, 2012

Harry Potter Returns to Christ Church

I like sequels, as long as they’re good.

I decided to write a sequel to my last Harry Potter adventure in Christ Church, site of numerous scenes from the Harry Potter movies.

So on Friday morning, I went to Christ Church with John, Christian, Linda, Sarah, Michael, and Whitney.

Folks were filming a TV show or movie outside of Christ Church. I was looking at them because I was on set. They were looking at me because I’m Harry Potter.

St. Michael defeats the Devil in the stained glass window of Christ Church Cathedral.

Harry Potter on the staircase from the films: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Does that picture look familiar at all...?

Can you spot the difference?

“So the rumors are true. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts.”

This is probably where Neville found Trevor.

Harry Potter in the Christ Church Dining Hall. It’s very posh. It provided some inspiration for the Hogwarts Dining Hall.

"Frame the picture like this!"

Harry Potter finds perspective on the staircase.

The photogenic faithful who went to Christ Church.

By Stamford House in Brasenose? Or in Diagon Alley?

Going shopping, walking down Brasenose Lane.
Every time I walk that road, I think of Dr. Velie.
“Have you ever heard of ‘Murder on Brasenose Lane’?”

R2-D2 is no longer at Boswell’s, but Darth Vader is.

Darth Vader, meet the TRUE Chosen One.

He didn’t marry Natalie Portman, but he didn’t fall into a lava pit either.

Tickets and A Quick Detour to the Ashmolean

After going shopping, Christian and I bought tickets to see the Globe’s traveling production of Hamlet at the Bodleian Library (which houses the Hogwarts Infirmary).

Then I took an hour out to see the Ashmolean. I walked through their Egyptian exhibit again, and then I spent 30 to 40 minutes taking in their phenomenal collection of paintings.
There is far too much to see in that wonderful museum. #sensoryoverload

Fine. I Will Pay Money to Tour Magdalen College

Last year, one of my (few) regrets was that I didn’t pay a few pounds to actually tour the grounds of Magdalen College. This year, I forked over the money. Dylan and Blair came along with me.

On the way, it* rained on us.

This wouldn’t have been a problem if I had my 58 inch golf umbrella that I bought from JJB Sports.

But, obviously, I didn’t have my umbrella, so it* rained on us.

*What exactly ‘it’? Who sent ‘it’? Why is ‘it’ there? English grammar, provide me with the answers to Life, the Universe, and Everything – don’t make more of them.

Outside Magdalen Chapel

Inside Magdalen Chapel

I like the “sepia tone” of the painted window. It sets the window apart from so many others we’ve seen.

The Cloisters in Magdalen College

AVAST! PIRATE STAIRCASES!

A Pirate Staircase

Every staircase had that little black sign on it. Blair kept asking why there were so many pirates at Magdalen.

Eventually, Dylan and I pointed out that it said, “private.” Not “pirate.”

But maybe Blair was right after all. Pirate sounds so much cooler.

Magdalen Dining Hall. Harry Potter was not here.

Dylan, Blair, and I wanted to see deer at the famous Deer Park. Magdalen has huge grounds, and its Deer Park is famous for actually having deer*.

Fortunately, there were precisely three deer: one for Dylan, one for Blair, and one for me*.

*As opposed to not having deer, which is the case with some deer parks in Oxford.

**It took me a while to work out the math, but I got there eventually.

We rode the deer and went on many adventures.

At the end of the adventures, we found a lamppost and some thick trees.

We went through the trees and found our way back in the wardrobe.

From the wardrobe, we walked back to Magdalen College and found a gate.

The gate to Addison’s Walk

Along Addison’s Walk

C. S. Lewis became a deist after having an important conversation with J. R. R. Tolkien and another friend along this path.

Magdalen Tower

Do you remember how nice the view is up there?

To Be or Not To Be

For dinner, we had all planned on going together, but then the people who were going to see Hamlet realized that we didn’t have enough time for a big meal. So a small group of us went to Beefeater* for a quick meal of fish and chips, and then we rushed over to the Bodleian Library to see Hamlet**.

*You don't have to eat beef at Beefeater. You don't even have to eat meat. Once I just had tea and scones.

**Hamlet was there, but we actually went to see the entire play - not just Hamlet.

It didn't rain.

We were rushing because I had read that if you didn’t pick up your tickets sooner than 20 minutes before the play started, you couldn’t get your tickets*. Well, that was definitely wrong. So we stressed out a bit for nothing (ha! What a surprise).

*In a better system, you could just pick up the tickets when you purchased them, but under this system you got neither tickets nor receipt when you handed over the money. Pssh.

Christian and I saw Hamlet* with Kristiani, Megan, and Julie. There were food and drinks in the Hogwarts Infirmary (actually the Divinity School).

*Note the i-talics this time.

Hamlet was phenomenal. Probably the best play that I’ve ever seen. The actor playing Hamlet did the best performance of Hamlet that I’ve ever seen. He moved me to tears during Hamlet’s soliloquy.

It* threatened to rain, but it didn’t.

* ‘It’ again…

This traveling production of the Globe was a marvelous piece of theatre. There was a small cast, so most of the actors played multiple roles. The scene changes were flawless: the actors moved some strategically-designed props while dancing to music. The movement of the props provided some percussion as well.

The choreography was brilliant, and the music was delightful.

It was a marvelous end to the day, and to the trip.

The End of Episode V

On Saturday, July 21, I took the bus to London Heathrow with Leah, Leah, and Linda. We had a slight delay at the airport (I took the time to eat a Magnum bar), and then we had our 9 hour and 15 minute flight to DFW. It was, thank God, entirely uneventful.

The most exciting thing on the flight was that I had to pinch my headphones at the perfect position in order to hear any sound, and the position kept changing over the 9+ hours. (So I didn’t hear most of Liam Neeson’s dialogue during Wrath of the Titans.)

When I got through immigration, the officer asked me where I come from.

“England," I said.
“Welcome back to America," he handed me my passport. "Go eat some good food.”
“Yes, sir.”

And I did.

Thanks for the memories, Oxford, England, U.K. (and Paris).

I went There and Back Again.

Oxford Strikes Back!