Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Best and Worst Pixar Movies

The release of the new Cars sequel gives me an opportunity to write on a subject that has consumed the passions of everyone in my dorm:

-=What are the Two Best and the Two Worst Pixar Movies of all time?

If you haven't heard about Cars 2, or you haven't seen the trailer, let me point you in the right direction: Cars 2 Trailer I have two disclaimers about this discussion: a) I arbitrarily chose "Top 2" and "Bottom 2" Pixar movies when I introduced this topic of discussion last night. I may expand that number to 3. Or maybe not. I'll figure that out soon enough. 2) There are right and wrong answers to this question. Get emotional. d) All of the Pixar movies are good. Therefore, when I say "worst," I'm referring to "the worst of the best." But feel free to use my words against me and accuse me of hating The Incredibles*, because it's definitely the worst Pixar movie ever. *Writing this at the start of my note is called an "inflammatory tactic": it's to get you to read more. Is it working? Before I list the best and worst Pixar movies, I will provide a comprehensive Pixar movie list for your convenience. (This list is from wikipedia, which we know to be divinely inspired.)

1995-Toy Story You are a sad, strange little man. I bid you farewell.

1998-A Bug's Life I saw the trailer for Star Wars Episode I when I watched this movie in theaters. Adrenaline rush.

1999-Toy Story 2 I am your father.

2001-Monster's Inc She's out of our haaaair!

2003-Finding Nemo Duuuuuude!

2004-The Incredibles The trailer promised so much. The movie failed to deliver. Incredibles fans, are you incensed?

2006-Cars Came out during the '06 World Cup. Brian and my dad absolutely love this movie. Road trippin' time.

2007-Ratatouille Took me forever to spell this title right. I was emotionally compromised when I saw this movie, and I only saw it once. But there's a reason I only saw it once.

2008-WALL-E I wish I had been on a date when I watched this. Apparently it was the best date movie ever.

2009-Up The opening sequence to this movie is perhaps the most perfect piece of cinematic history ever.)

2010-Toy Story 3 My generation grew up with Andy, we went to college with Andy, so we all cried a lot. And we laughed, thanks to Spanish Mode Buzz.
They planned this movie for over 6 years, because I remember hearing about it at DisneyWorld in 2004. And by the way--Are you classically trained? -=What are the Best and Worst Pixar Movies? This is a difficult question, not only because so many of you will be angry at me for what I am about to say, but because it's easier to identify the worst than to identify the best. So I will identify the worst first: The number one worst Pixar movie of all time:

The Incredibles I have mathematical reasons for disliking The Incredibles. These mathematics consist of numbers. Numbers and math are science, therefore I have scientific reasons for disliking The Incredibles.

Scientific reason #1: The affair/adultery theme in the movie. I was not prepared for such a heavy theme in a Pixar movie. I know that the superhero-father-guy never actually did anything with the skinny-blond-lady, but the potential was always there, and that potential affair was a plot device. You can blame me for "not-being-prepared," but I am part of the audience, and content creators are supposed to know the audience. For example, I know that many people in my audience like The Incredibles, so I should be eliciting a response. Know your audience.

Scientific Reason #2: What is up with the flaming demon baby? The flaming demon baby was disturbing AND the movie was already over! The fight scene was done! The world was saved! We don't need a last minute kidnap/opportunity for an exorcism. Say no to the flaming demon baby.

Scientific Reason #3: A lot of people, heros and minions, died in The Incredibles. Again with the know-your-audience issue--I was not expecting Star Wars-level action in a Pixar movie.
Scientific reason why The Incredibles is not an unredeemable movie: Frozone. Frozone uses ice and stuff, and ice is studied in chemistry.

Other scientific reason why The Incredibles is not an unredeemable movie: Edna. 'Nuff said. The Incredibles needed more Edna, more Frozone, less affair, and less flaming demon babies.

The number two worst Pixar movie of all time:


Ratatouille just simply did not impress me. There were two great parts to this movie:

1) The opening short with the alien spaceship, Lifted.

Hilarious short film that gets major geek points for having the Wilhelm Scream in it. If you don't know what the Wilhelm Scream is, look it up and fall to sleep tonight with the smug knowledge that you are geekier than when you woke up.

2) The scene with the food critic remembering his own childhood, when he ate ratatouille.

The rest of the movie was forgettable. That's why I can't remember why I don't like it.

-=Moving On

Now, I already told you about my "inflammatory tactics." I'm about to introduce three more tactics:

a) The cop-out (in which I will surreptitiously end the note without telling you what I think are the two best Pixar movies are.)

2) The teaser, where I hint that I might reveals those top two in another note.

It is easier for a camel to enter the kingdom of heaven than for The Incredibles to borrow a needle from a rich man.

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